An Engineer's Love letter to Google

published: feb 28 2020

So,

I did the thing.

It’s February 28, 2020. I'm sitting on the E train (NYC Subway), headphones in, watching the blurry tunnel lights pass through Manhattan. Badge out. Laptop off. Heart... all over the place.

(Captured on 28 February 2020)

I just walked out of Google NYC for the last time.

Two years ago, I entered that building with my best Uniqlo shirt still carrying its fresh fabric smell, Levi’s jeans fitting just right, a charged-up backpack, and a billion butterflies in my stomach.

It was my first job out of grad school.

And not just any job.

It was Goooooooooogle in NEW YORK CITY.

Even writing that now feels like I’m narrating someone else's highlight reel.

It was wild.

It was beautiful.

It was chaotic.

It was also kinda lonely sometimes.

And now... it’s over.

I left.

Yeah, the job I told my friends, professors, and sometimes even Uber drivers about...

I stepped away from it.

And no, this isn’t a takedown post. Not a spicy LinkedIn vent.

This isn’t about "why I quit big tech" or whatever’s trending.

This is just a story. One I’ve been carrying around for a while.

---

So let's talk!

I still remember standing outside the building on 9th Ave, staring up at that big sign, shaping my mouth to say without a sound:

“Gooooooooooooooogle”

But another thought hit me,

What if I didn’t belong?

What if I was just some fluke from Albany who snuck past the system?

Spoiler alert: I did belong.

It just took me a while to believe it.

Okay, first, Google doesn’t just feed your brain. It feeds everything.

Onboarding week? Felt like stepping into some futuristic adult kindergarten.

There were coffee machines that looked like they belonged in a dairy startup pitch deck. And nap pods that hummed you into existential naps.

And being South Indian, I tried making filter coffee — starting from grinding the beans, to using the filter and glass beaker, to finally brewing the decoction.

By my third cup of filter coffee, I seriously thought:

I could open a Filter Coffee Kadai in Srirangam (PS: Srirangam is a place where you get some good filter coffee — not mostly in shops, but in the Agraharam homes)

And somewhere between all that caffeine and chaos, I met people.

Some brilliant. Some bizarre. Some who would become 2am hangout buddies. Some who would turn into real friends (one, finally). All of them — part of the experience.

It stopped feeling like a dream.

It started feeling like... life.

---

And the interesting part: let’s talk about the smartest people I’ve ever met.

I watched an engineer fix a global outage with 4 terminal windows open — while eating roasted salmon, some greens, and a black coffee seating in a relaxed sofa.

• From that day I decided to follow the same thing. Not to fix global outages (I wasn’t that careless), but to have Salmon anytime :)

(And I made that a lunch routine)

Another time, a PM’s demo crashed halfway. She laughed, restarted, nailed the rest — and got a huge applause for the comeback.

The people at Google aren’t just scary smart.

They’re kind.

They remember your birthday.

They send you memes (plenty, plenty, plenty). (And laugh out loud at them.)

They help you debug, even when it’s not their job.

They even write short notes in greeting cards. I still have some. One I remember was from a PM who left a note on my desk while I was out for lunch. (Like a Santa.)

They changed me.

---

Now, the work.

I was on Google Search working with Product Internationalization.

The unsexy, behind-the-scenes engineering and plumbing.

It was civic products, election live results, exam results, entertainment, movies, Google Assistant Ganache, and more.

A lot of learning of algorithms and more!

I found the real use of trigonometry, geometry, algebra, probability — from whiteboards, to black and white code, to critique reviews in green and red, and then billions of people seeing and using it with simplicity and ease.

Some days, I felt like I was helping make the internet faster.

Other days, I stared at logs at 2am, genuinely wondering if I should open the best cafe in Japan instead.

(Cafe inspiration)

(No, seriously. I googled “how to exit vim” 13 times in one week.)

But even on the rough days?

I felt happy.

And that’s what mattered.

One main reason — during the last few months of work, every day while commuting to the office, I was listening to and laughing at “Alex in Wonderland” on Amazon Prime.

(A video snippet from Alex in Wonderland)

Okay, now let’s get into something fun: the 20% time magic.

People love to say Google doesn’t innovate anymore.

To that, I say — lol.

I’ve seen interns build tools that replaced entire workflows.

I’ve seen engineers pitch weird ideas at lunch, and actually get buy-in to build them.

I’ve seen whiteboards full of scribbles turn into real things.

I saw probability query theories and matrices resurrected as algorithms to solve nice problems in Google.

I had never seen such a sturdy software development model. (Agile, Scrum - whatt????)

Almost every team I came across worked like a startup.

Everybody got to launch products or code into production almost every day — or close to it.

The magic’s still there.

And let’s talk about food. Because... wow.

Unmatched. So many cafeterias, so many varieties, so many chefs, and literally everything — from morning nuts, coffee, tea, fresh juice, healthy shots, course meals, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, Indian, American — to desserts of every variety. And thank God for TGIAF (Thank God It’s Almost Friday), which happened on Thursdays with good treats, beer, and wine (although I stuck to the good treats and not beyond). It brought the vibe up for the weekend.

---

But here’s something no one posts on LinkedIn.

I burned out.

There were days I sat in front of code and just... stared.

Nights when I'd walk past the YouTube team’s floor across the road, wondering if I was even good at this.

If I’d peaked. If I was just pretending all along.

The imposter voice got louder.

The spark dimmed.

And no, Google didn’t break me. But it did hold a mirror.

One that showed me how much I tied my worth to performance.

To praise. To that little green dot next to my name on Chat.

That mirror was hard to look at. But now, I see it as experience.

I was lucky to have a great team and leadership, who always encouraged me to bring something interesting and innovative.

Working on Search Product Internationalization meant my team was like the United Nations of tech.

We had engineers speaking every language you can imagine — Tamil, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Urdu, Hindi, Spanish, Russian, French, Arabic — you name it.

Anyone in the world could stop by our floor, start talking in their own language, and someone on my team would answer right back.

Tech, code, and culture — all in one place.

That added more energy to my everyday work, and it never felt mundane.

---

Let’s talk about the goodbye.

It wasn’t clean.

I felt bad.

My lead said, “You’ve been quieter lately.”

I wanted people to remember who I was without the badge.

Without the fancy name.

Without the perks.

Without the cafeteria that spoiled me so much,

I forgot how to boil rice and make a simple dhal.

I needed to sit with myself again. Quietly.

And dream again.

What did I learn?

A lot.

• How to think in systems?

• Why design mattered?

• How to stay calm & salmon on when everything’s on fire?

• How to smile in a meeting even when your code’s crying inside?

• How to say “Can you please clarify?” when you really mean “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

• How to work with people smarter than you — and not shrink

What I didn’t learn?

How to leave Google and work somewhere else.

Thanks a lot, Google!

One thing,

If I could go back and tell that kid standing outside the Google building one thing, it would be:

“You’re not here by accident. You earned this. Breathe. Take up space. And when in doubt — ask for help.”

---

So, what’s next?

I’m not totally sure.

I’m building small, weird stuff again.

Things that feel honest. Things that help people.

Things that don’t need a billion MAUs to matter.

Maybe a book?

Maybe a product?

Maybe a cafe in Japan?

Maybe that filter coffee startup in Srirangam I half-joked about?

(Okay, not joking. Filter coffee deserves a global comeback.)

But for now?

I’m resting.

Reflecting.

Seems like there is some virus spreading. Hope I escape it, so I got to go for a flu shot soon.

Reconnecting with the version of me that didn’t need a tag to feel proud.

If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong — you do.

If you’re scared to chase the big thing — chase it anyway.

If you’re wondering if you’re enough — you are.

This post isn’t just about leaving Google.

It’s about loving something deeply.

Giving it your all.

And knowing when to let go.

I’m not done building.

But for now — I’m just grateful.

Thank you, Google NYC.

You changed my life.

Onwards.

With love,

Santosh.